This piece was restored for spelling and clarity while preserving its substance, urgency, faith, and survivor voice.
The way I handle trauma is unorthodox,
Like figuring the movements in London clocks.
I’ve got myself cornered in this mental box.
It isn’t my safe place. I think I need to detox.
I have to face reality, even if it hurts me like brutality.
I need to shed this toxic self-talk, or else it is going to ruin me.
Synchronicities from God are trying to get through to me.
Wake up. Be loosed. You do not need another warm body in bed.
Open your eyes. See your worth. Please get out of your head.
If he hits you again like that, you could end up dead.
Our life is not something to toss around in the rafters,
Delicate life in the hands of a man who wreaks chaos and disaster.
No love. No empathy. No mercy. No hope.
God will lead you out. Do not get fooled by mirrors and smoke.
Stemming from the ruin of relationships I had been pursuing,
Narcissistic partners—what was I doing?
Each one turned out the same, filling me with trauma and shame,
Making me forget the roots from where I came.
I become a pawn.
I become that little girl trapped inside of me,
The one whose mother could not love her heart the way a child needs.
Making everybody happy, a perpetual people-pleaser,
Coping with the broken heart disease.
But the cycle repeats and shows up in her selection.
She pushes away the nice ones who give her healthy affection.
Subconsciously, she does not know her inner child needs attention,
Frozen secrets from childhood she was too ashamed to mention.
In and out with the narcissists—
What kind of world is this?
I gave all my love, my heart, and my soul,
And received chaos, rejection, and cold.
Why am I attracted to the pain?
Why can’t I refrain
From going back over and over again?
None of this makes sense,
And the hurt is intense.
She was used and hurt,
Bleeding and crying, hopeless in the dirt.
She looked around for a hand,
And found no one around to understand.
She lost it all, but she knew God had a plan: isolation,
Quietness and stillness, spiritual education.
There was no explanation for the current situation,
But she began to discern.
Then she learned Christ, and there she entered a new season.
She began to alchemize and make sense of all the treason,
To withdraw within herself, sort out her life, and begin to reason.
There is no final good or bad in the way the world names it all;
It is according to how we identify, how we live, and what we choose to align with.
Nothing is permanent but death. We can always try another time.
And God is love—no condemnation divine.
No more divide. No more vices.
The Holy Spirit entices and ignites us
To learn that Christ is in the heart, not in golden pillars.
Give me Christ alone. I do not need the extra fillers.
Caring less what was thought about her,
She put up boundaries like never before.
Now she was standing on her own two feet,
No longer an empty cup—she was overpoured.
God did it like no one else could.
It does not mean she is not still afraid.
But she loves herself now,
Because she knows that she should.
To the women trapped in narcissistic claws:
I know that you are broken, and you think no one cares that you exist.
Know that you are loved, and God Himself sends us to tell you this.
Make yourself strong, even when you are afraid,
Because you are His child, beautifully and wonderfully made.
Maybe it is not something you can do today,
But I am asking you to think hard on this and contemplate:
Believe that you will be free,
And you will get to where God wants you to be.
There is a kingdom that waits,
One your purple, shut eyes may no longer see.
But it is right here inside you.
He knows what you need.
You have been in the dirt so long
That you forgot you were the seed all along.
Mustard-seed faith is what it takes,
And there is no more condemnation for your mistakes.
Remember: what he says is not truth.
He does not get the last word.
God says you are beautiful,
And things will take a turn.
You are not alone.
You are beautiful. You are strong.
Do not let him dim your light.
There is a battle for your life and soul ahead.
How ready are you to fight?
